she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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