you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
