what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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