dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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