I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
