So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
