from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
