you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
