Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
