rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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