I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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