My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
