the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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