your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
