Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
