she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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