I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So here I am, sexting at work.
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