Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
