I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm really busy with my period
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