Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
