I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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