I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
