i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
