She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
two words: eviction party
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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