honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
