She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
