He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
