genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
