you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
