Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sorry my hands just texted you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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