i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
