he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
