what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
