it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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