do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
