Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
