I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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