WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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