we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
