Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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