he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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