Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
