i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
