Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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