He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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