Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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