I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
