a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
