I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
