we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
