I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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