i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
